Real Questions… Real Answers…
How much will it cost me to make an adoption plan?
There is no cost to you as a birth parent. Adoptive parents pay for legal fees, reasonable pregnancy-related expenses, medical bills not covered by insurance, consulting, and counseling fees.
Adoption can be one of the most loving decisions you make for your child. It takes a great deal of love and maturity to know that raising a child can be difficult and that love is not enough to provide what a child needs to thrive and grow. Even with the help of family and friends, the task can be overwhelming for many people. Often, family and friends are there at the beginning, then when times get more difficult, you are on your own.
Whatever your decision is, you are ultimately going to be the primary caregiver and the person that will need to take care of your child. This can be a sacrifice for many years to come. Some women are ready for this commitment, and many women realize the time is not right for them to parent and that adoption is the most sensible and most important decision they will make for their child and their future.
How do I know that the adoptive parents my baby is going to are good people?
Adoption centers screen and pre-qualify each and every adoptive family. A licensed social worker will conduct a thorough home study evaluation and visit the adoptive family’s home. This evaluation includes a background check, medical evaluations, financial screening, and FBI screening. You can be assured that your baby will be raised within a loving and safe family environment. You will be able to speak personally to families, so that you can determine who you’d like to adopt and raise your child.
Some of my friends say I should keep my baby and that children belong with their birth parents, what should I do?
You will need to consider honestly where you are in your life now and if you are ready for parenting at this time. Considering or choosing adoption doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it simply means you know you are not at a time and place in your life to parent a child. It is easy for friends to make comments when they have not been in your position. The only person that can make this decision is you. You want to consider honestly your options of parenting and adoption before the baby is born. We have a number of other birth mothers you can speak to if you would like to find out how they handled their pregnancy. Just ask us.
I’ve been dating the father of my baby. Wouldn’t it be better if we just got married and tried to raise the child together even if I don’t love him?
You’ll have to decide if you are willing to live in a marriage that is unstable to begin with. The odds are against you because you would be marrying for the wrong reason. Raising a child in a loving and secure home is the best option for any child. An adoptive family can provide for and give your child a good role model of what a healthy marriage and family is all about, and this gives a child healthy self image.
If you are getting married because you are pregnant, statistics show you will be starting out with a greater chance of failure than in a relationship that has had time to properly develop. The decision to marry should be because you both are mature and want to marry. The time must be right with a man that is responsible and ready to settle down and provide for his family. You must ask yourself if you see your boyfriend as a good role model for your child. If not, and if you both are not equally ready to make sacrifices to provide a secure family life for your child, it is wise to consider adoption.
Allow yourself time to decide what you want out of your life, before adding the commitment of parenting. Don’t sacrifice your child’s life if you and the father are not ready to make a child your first priority.
My parents are kicking me out of the house because I am pregnant. Is there a home for mothers or a place for me to go?
We can help you find housing, and at times we have families that are interested in housing a birth mother for the term of her pregnancy. If you are in this situation, it is best to call us as soon as you can at 1-800-923-6784, to allow us to determine what your needs are, and to assist you quickly. Some women want to move to another area until after the baby is born and others want to stay in their own town. Much will be determined by how far along you are in your pregnancy, what your situation is, and your plans for your child.
With infertility on the rise, more childless African American and bi-racial couples are turning to the Internet for adoption to build their families. Visit African American Adoptions Online to view waiting adoptive families that are African American and bi-racial. You can read about the lifestyle of these prospective families and view their photos before speaking to them on the phone.
At the hospital, will I be able to hold my baby, or will they just take her away? What’s the best way to get a grip and move on over something like this big, without going extreme nuts?
This can be a hard time, especially if you don’t have support at home. Your feelings are real and your emotions can’t be turned off or ignored. They will come up later in life, and later might not be as good a time as now to deal with them. Believe me—you want to work through this and find support from women who can help you. There are many online support groups of other birth mothers, but this comes with a small warning—some groups are more compassionate then others—so check them out before pouring your heart out to anyone.
Thinking about the what if’s in life is normal and makes it harder for you. Of course, most women facing an unplanned pregnancy never thought they would be pregnant before they were ready to be a mother. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Adoption is a big decision. I speak with many women who wish they had gone through with adoption instead of exposing their children to years of poverty and poor care. Not all women can follow through with an adoption plan. This has to be your decision. It sounds as if you have done some soul searching and are still struggling with the idea of someone else being mom instead of you. This is where those dreams you had are someone else’s right now and it doesn’t always seems fair.
What’s the first step towards making an adoption plan?
You can start by calling us at 1-800-923-6784, seven days a week for more information. You can review the family profiles online and select the three families you feel you might want to speak to. We will be able to give you more details about these families and arrange for you to call them. All of our adoptive couples have toll-free numbers, allowing you to call them without charge. You might find one family that just stands out and you only want to speak to them. The choice is yours. Some of our families may be unavailable pending a match, so we encourage you to select more than one.